Tough love from the harshest critic…

Hi, everyone. I wrote this to myself as a call to arms in late January. I had intended to post it here for a little public accountability but hesitated. Once I finally decided to post I’d lost my login credentials. So, here it is now. I have a few more in the queue as well. Enjoy!

Good grief, you are one fat fuck.  Yeah, I saw you in the mirror this morning and it is disgusting!  You must be pushing 225, 230?  That is way too much for a guy with so little muscle.  I can’t believe that you’ve let yourself get here again!  You were doing so well before winter hit… biking a lot, eating well… you had it together then you let it all slide… again.

What happened in 2011 when you discovered primal living, paleo, and the like?  You were supposed to become a strong, lean machine but you never stuck it out.  You get caught in these endless loops of drinking beer and eating shitty food.  “I won’t drink today, but I can eat crappy food to feel better (spoiler: doesn’t work) and because I can’t quit everything at once.  Well, I ate crappy food today so because today is shot I can have beer.”  What are you going to do about it?

Well?

Mmm…

Well, the cycle stops RIGHT FUCKING NOW!  Yeah, you had beer and McDonald’s last night but that is no reason to follow up with a breakfast sandwich, chocolate chip cookies, and endless cups of shitty coffee.  Here is the plan, with an END STATE so you can VISUALIZE and WORK TOWARDS that goal.  Are you ready for it?

ARE YOU FUCKING READY??!!!

Good.  Here is the quantitative goal:

Sub 200 lbs bodyweight in the next 100 days.  That means by May 8th, 2019.

How do you get there?

Change the following direct factors:

Food – You eat like shit yet you preach eating healthy.  Start modelling that behaviour.  Here’s how:

  • No shit food (you know what that is)
  • IF.  8 hour window on activity days.  Full fast on sloth days.

Drink – Despite how good it is, there is no need for booze.

  • Water only.  No excuses.  One coffee in the AM… that you make, with love, at home.  Stop drinking that disgusting sludge that passes for coffee at work.

Exercise – get back to it.  It makes you feel good so there is no reason to take “breaks”. 

  • Thrice weekly barbell sessions.  The gym is right fucking there.  Just bring your damn clothes with you to work and go knock out the sets.
  • Keep riding!!! It’s cold?  You can handle it. 
  • Anything else any other time… push-ups, squats, sprints, ladder? biking, PT, rolling, hockey, etc.

Address the indirect factors, too… 

  • Get your lazy ass out of bed in the morning!  Anything past 6 am is a luxury… as the weather turns warmer it’ll be a joy to start your day with a little light and movement.
  • Keep minding the pennies!  You are doing great in that department and implementing all this other shit (that you should have been doing all along) will only help.  Crappy food is the worst purchase.
  • Put your phone down!  There’s nothing on there most of the time you’re looking at it, anyway.  You’re usually just hopelessly looking for a distraction from the shit you know you should be doing.

There is no “phasing in” or “I’ll start tomorrow”.  You start NOW and you can tweak as you go.  There will be periods of discomfort and struggle, but don’t they feel better than when you’re struggling from being over-tired, hungover, or full of shitty food?

Get it on!

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